The World Needs Heroes

Some of the things I have said may not apply to you. Some of the things I have said may offend you. But no matter who you are, you must remember this one thing; if you’ve been dating a man for 4 months, and you haven’t met any of his friends yet, you are not his girlfriend.

Here’s a horoscope for everyone : Aquarius - You’re gonna die
                                                            Capricorn - You’re gonna die
                                                            Gemini - You’re gonna die twice
                                                            Leo - You’re gonna die
                                                            Scorpio - You’re gonna die fucking

No one goes to Hooters for wings

some of the things I have said may not apply to you. Some of the things I have said may offend you. But no matter who you are, you must remember this one thing; if a girl has a pierced tongue, she’ll probably suck your dick. If a guy has a pierced tongue, he’ll probably suck your dick.

Cornbread, aint nothing wrong with that.

Some of the things I have said may not apply to you. Some of the things I have said may offend you. But no matter who you are, you must remember this one thing; if a homeless person has a funny sign, he hasn’t been homeless that long. A real homeless person is too hungry to be funny.

Some of the things I have said may not apply to you. Some of the things I have said may offend you. But, not matter who you are, you must remember this one thing; if you go to a movie theatre, and someone steps on your foot, let it slide. Why spend the next 20 years in jail because someone smudged your Puma.

Take off that Silly ass hat. 

Some of the things I have said may not apply to you. Some of the things I have said may offend you. But no matter who you are, you must remember this one things; If a girl tells you she is 20,  and looks 16, she is 12. If she tells you she is 26, and looks 26, she is damn near 40.

Some of the things I have said may not apply to you. Some of the things I have said may offend you. But no matter who you are, you must remember this one thing: Don’t go to parties with metal detectors. Sure it feels safe inside, but what about all those crazy muthafuckers waiting outside with guns. They know you aint got one.

Some of the things I say may not apply to you. some of the things I have said may offend you. But no matter who you are, you must remember this one thng no matter what a stripper tells you, there is no sex in the champagne room. NONE! Oh there is champagne in the champagne room, but you don’t want champagne. You want sex and there is no sex in the chamnpagne room.

Amazing Simple Ideas
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1. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent
you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the
snooze button.

2. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then
you will be afraid to cough.

3. Clumsy?  Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by
getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

4. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat
by simply using the sink.

5. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and
bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your
veins.  Remember to use a timer.

6. Have a bad headache?  Smash your thumb with a hammer and you
will forget about the headache.

7. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life
really are: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.  If it
doesn’t move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and
does, use the duct tape.

It seems thay my last entry has an unregistered comment. This is what Andrew thought of my Fuck You Friday post. http://randomjunkification.blogspot.com/ 

Andrew, Andrew, Andrew. Simple names will not hurt me. For I am immune to all insults you may throw at me you pathetic little Peon. Also do you kiss your momma wit that mouth?

Need advice ask Dear sweet sensitive Danny.  Yes that’s me you dumbfucks. Oh in case anyone has a real and actually problem. Yeah I might be able to help with that too, and I can edit it so that no one else sees.

P.S. Remember I can not be held liable for any incurring, recuring, or occuring injuries. And the result of my advice being mislead or misinterpretted is totaly not my fault dude. But I can reccomend a good friend who can give you something for the pain.