Thursday, October 29, 2009

Did You Know?

An eagle can kill a young deer and fly away with it.

In the Caribbean there are oysters that can climb trees.

Proportional to their weight, men are stronger than horses.

Pilgrims ate popcorn at the first Thanksgiving dinner.

Heinz Catsup leaving the bottle travels at 25 miles per year.

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.

Armadillos can be housebroken.

The first Fords had engines made by Dodge.

A mole can dig a tunnel 300 feet long in just one night.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients in dynamite.

A quarter has 119 grooves on its edge, a dime has one less groove.

A hummingbird weighs less than a penny.

Until 1796, there was a state in the United States called Franklin. Today it is known as Tennessee.

The flashing warning light on the cylindrical Capitol Records tower spells out HOLLYWOOD in Morse code.

Every time you lick a stamp, you’re consuming 1/10 of a calorie.

The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year.

One in every 4 Americans has appeared on television.

The average American will eat about 11.9 pounds of cereal per year.

Over 1,000 birds a year die from smashing into windows.

Ants stretch when they wake up in the morning.

It’s against the law to have a pet dog in Iceland.

Thomas Edison, light bulb inventor, was afraid of the dark.

During your lifetime, you’ll eat about 60,000 pounds of food. That’s the weight of about 6 elephants.

Some ribbon worms will eat themselves if they can’t find any food.

Dolphins sleep with one eye open.

In space, astronauts cannot cry, because there is no gravity, so the tears can’t flow.

More people use blue toothbrushes than red ones.

A sneeze travels out your mouth at over 100 m.p.h.

Your ribs move about 5 million times a year, every time you breathe.

In the White House, there are 13,092 knives, forks and spoons.

Slugs have 4 noses.

Recycling one glass jar saves enough energy to watch TV for 3 hours.

Lightning strikes about 6,000 times per minute on this planet.

Owls are the only birds who can see the color blue.

It’s against the law to slam your car door in Switzerland.

There wasn’t a single pony in the Pony Express, just horses.

Honeybees have hair on their eyes.

A jellyfish is 95 percent water.

In Bangladesh, kids as young as 15 can be jailed for cheating on their finals.

A company in Taiwan makes dinnerware out of wheat, so you can eat your plate.

The elephant is the only mammal that can’t jump.

The penguin is the only bird who can swim, but not fly.

The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

America once issued a 5-cent bill.

Fortune cookies were actually invented in America, in 1918, by Charles Jung.

A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue.

Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

The pitches that Babe Ruth hit for his last-ever home run and that Joe DiMaggio hit for his first-ever home run where thrown by the same man.

Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.

The praying mantis is the only insect that can turn its head.

In Tokyo, they sell toupees for dogs.

Baby robins eat 14 feet of earthworms every day.

The Pentagon has twice as many restrooms as necessary. When it was built, segregation was still in place in Virginia, so separate restrooms for blacks and whites were required by law.

In England, in the 1880’s, “Pants” was considered a dirty word.

Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

In 2003, there were 86 days of below-freezing weather in Hell, Michigan.

As you age, your eye color gets lighter.

There are 206 bones in the adult human body, but 300 in children (some of the bones fuse together as a child grows).

The human eye blinks an average of 4,200,000 times a year.

It takes approximately 12 hours for food to entirely digest.

The longest living cells in the body are brain cells which can live an entire lifetime.

There are more living organisms on the skin of a single human being than there are human beings on the surface of the earth.

Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot.

Lorne Greene had one of his nipples bitten off by an alligator while he was host of “Lorne Greene’s Animal Kingdom”.

Life expectancy for Russian men has actually gone down over the past 40 years. A Russian male born today can expect to live an average 58 years.

In 1985, the most popular waist size for men’s pants was 32. In 2003, it’s 36.

Seven percent of Americans claim they never bathe at all.

In 2004, one in six girls in the United States enter puberty at age 8. A hundred years ago, only one in a hundred entered puberty that early.

Newest trend in the Netherlands: Tiny jewels implanted directly into the eye.

A British gymnast survived a fall from a fourth story window because he went into a somersault and came down on two feet.

Jeffrey and Sheryl McGowen in Houston turned to vitro fertilization. Two eggs were implanted in Sheryl’s womb, and both of them split. Sheryl gave birth to two sets of identical twins at once.

In 1991, the average bra size in the United States was 34B. Today it’s 36C.

The average North Korean 7-year-old is almost three inches shorter than the average South Korean 7-year-old.

Every year, 2700 surgical patients go home from the hospital with metal tools, sponges, and other objects left inside them. In 2000, 57 people died as a result of these mistakes.

We forget 80 percent of what we learn everyday.

Pain is measured in units of “dols”. The instrument used to measure pain is a “dolorimeter”.

The Amish a diet high in meat, dairy, refined sugars and calories. Yet obesity is virtually unknown among them. The difference is since they have no TVs, cars or powered machines, they spend their time in manual labor.

As of January 1, 2004, the population of the United States increases by one person every 12 seconds. There is a birth every eight seconds, an immigrant is added every 25 seconds, but a death every 13 seconds.

Astronauts cannot burp in space. There is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in their stomachs.

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.

Fidgeting can burn about 350 calories a day.

Wearing headphones for an hour increases the bacteria in your ear 700 times.

A baby is born without kneecaps. They appear between age 2 and 6.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

In a recent survey, Americans revealed that banana was their favorite smell.

The arteries and veins surrounding the brain stem called the “circle of Willis” looks like a stick person with a large head.

Brushing your teeth regularly has been shown to prevent heart disease.

A kiss stimulates 29 muscles and chemicals causing relaxation. Women seem to like it light and frequent, men like it more strenuous.

Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.

Your nose and ears never stop growing.

Men get hiccups more often than women.

Human teeth are almost as hard as rocks.

Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.

Your heart beats over 100,000 times a day.

One quarter of the bones in your body are in your feet.

Like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue print is different.

Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails.

The average person laughs 15 times a day.

Posted by Master of Dark Illusions at 19:26:23 | Permalink | No Comments »

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Tuesday’s Tight Tip to Tackle Tediousness

This weeks tight tip to tackle tediousness worked quite well for me. The tight tip to tackle tediousness is to plan a terrific event. This planning and carrying out of the terrific event should occupy a good month of you free time. There are numerous other thing you could try to plan to tackle boredom but my idea had my dubbed as a mad social scientist. Everyone was quite pleased with the event though and next years should be even greater but sadly, for all purpose of this post, it will likely take less time to plan. Tah Tah!

Posted by Master of Dark Illusions at 04:24:37 | Permalink | No Comments »

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Tuesday’s Tight Tip to Tackle Tediousness

Tuesday’s tight tip to tackle tediousness was a terrific triumph since I am posting this tomorrow. Take a turn back to this place next Tuesday to see how to tackle tediousness tightly. Tah tah

Posted by Master of Dark Illusions at 17:22:21 | Permalink | No Comments »

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Playoff Predictions

Evening sport fans. The season is under way and all you hockey nuts can quit pretending to enjoy the CFL. It really is inferior to the NFL, you know it, quit claiming it aint.  I have watched some games and some TSN and Sports Center and Score, etc etc and am ready to rock this shit right out of the muthafuckin box ya’ll. Well time to make some enemies with this post as their are some really retarded sport fans out there. You know who you are, Leaf fans mostly but there is the occasional Hab fan amongst us too. 1st off both those teams are not making the playoffs. Montreal will compete for a spot but fall short and the Leafs, well they flat out suck but at least it appears that finally they are rebuilding properly. Now all you retarded Leaf fans who have cheered and cheered for these bunch of losers though the past 2 decades may finally see the playoffs, in just 2 more years I might add.  I am going to start with the Eastern Conference. I don’t do the division thing as that is just too complicated and gay. It’s bad enough that the winner of the Atlantic division gets the automatic 3rd seat in the conference. Alright so here are the 8 that make it in somewhat of a particular order. Pittsburgh Penguins with the two best scorers in the NHL, an above average goalie and great team chemistry are a shoe in, unless the whole team gets hit with the 25 day flu. Philadelphia and its Flyers are the most improved team with their Free Agent signings. Their defense is damn solid and if Emery can do what he did in Ottawa, no not that where he whined and bitched till they deported him, that thing where they went to the finals, they will do good and I am even predicting them to make it to the Final.  The Washington Capitals with their high powered offense and “the best player in hockey.” should make the playoffs again but will be eliminated as the “greatest player in hockey.” someone will manage once again not lead them to the finals but still win the Hart Trophy even though he is not the best player in the league. He is in the top 5 tho and he is only there because he takes 500 shots/season. Do the math? 10% of his shots are goals. I’d bet both my nuts that if I took 500 shots I could, no would,  get half as many goals as he does.  Alright back on track here. The Carolina Hurricanes have probably the best and most under rated goalie in the league. When he is hot, they win, no contest. They also have a nice enough team with good enough chemistry and players to compete with the star players. New York Rangers will again buy themselves a playoff spot. Mostly because of their goalie. He is SOLID. They have the stars to play and score. They might even make it into the 2nd round. The Buffalo Sabres have been a highly talented offensive team for a few years now and would have made the playoffs last year if their goalie did not get injured and finish the season from his couch. The Ottawa Senators with their new goalie and minus Heatley are going to make it in this year. The last team in should be the Devils because Matrin Brodeur refuses to die. I am guessing that the last 4 or 5 spots will be a fight to the finish. Montreal and Tampa might nip at the heels but not for long.

Now for the Wes, also in particular order give or taket. I am predicting the same 8 are going to make the playoffs as last year but I’ll do a little summary for your liking anyways. Gotta find a way to tick you off some more so…. It is hard not to like the Flames. They added the top off-season defensive defenseman and once again look like they can do it all. For some reason though they always fall apart and have many people scratching their heads till the bone is showing. I predict this year that my team will do it all and take the cup beating Philly in 6 games. The god damn fucking Detroit Load Swallowers will make it again but finally their goalie from 1998 is gonna shit his pants on the ice and no ref will want him near their cock even if he has no teeth left. The San Jose Sharks who crapped the bed as well last year will be stronger with the addition of Heatley. This trade benefitted both teams.  San Jose is alot like Calgary but they lack depth and scoring. The Ducks always seem to find young stars, especially goalies. J.S. Giguerre who won the Con Smythe Trophy, the year the Ducks lost is the back up goalie. The Dallas Stars were injury ridden last year and should be able to make it with a healthy roster. The Vancouver Canucks are going to make it too. Their fans are starting to remind me of Leaf fans. You know, those every year we are winning the cup. Well How are you gonna do that. Your defense is sloppy, your scoring is good for a junior team. You have 1 guy. RobiLou. He can’t do it alone. He also can’t play consistant enough for the required games. Vancouver can’t score and they lean heavily on their last line of defense.  I am sick of your fans too. You aint winning anything but congrads you have a nice enough team to make the playoffs. The Chicago Blackhawks have a fast, young team that can score. They make defenseman look silly and goalies even more so. However they lost their goalie and you need that to win in the next season. Columbus lead by the best big man in hockey will again scrape into the playoffs. These Bluejackets still are not getting it tho and watch them lose in 5 to whomever. The Blues, and Oilers are going to make it tough for the Jackets to make it. All the other teams are improved but still are not ready.   Night Sportsfans.

Posted by Master of Dark Illusions at 04:25:27 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Tuesday’s Tight Tip to Tackle Tediousness

Take notice of the terrific title change. I am very unimpressed that it took me two weeks to think of it but there it is. Alright well today’s tight tip to tackle tediousness should be equally terrific as the previous two. Sadly, I doubt it is as of lately I have not been tedious. I have become tiresome due to working like conditions. Today’s tight tip to tackle tediousness is to hangout with your friends whenever possible. Friends usually tackle your tediousness quite effectively and if not i suggest finding new friends. Seriously find new friends. This will also help you to tackle your tediousness today and tomorrows to come. Also if you have terrific friends like I have, you may be able to get some tedious tackling toys from them. Like alcohol and other alcohol related products. That it quite the tight tip to tackle tediousness this Tuesday isn’t it. I know I am terrific, tremendous, and tolerable. Go forth and tackle your tediousness tightly and tremendously tactfully tight. Tah Tah.

Posted by Master of Dark Illusions at 19:12:11 | Permalink | No Comments »

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Tuesday’s Tight Tips on Tackling Tediousness

Time for today, Tuesday’s tight tip on tackling tediousness. Today’s tight tip involving tackling tediousness shall have less t’s then last Tuesday’s tight tip for tackling tediousness as you can tell already. Last week’s tip was to take a nap. This week’s tip is to watch tv, preferably some interesting and educatinal programming. I highly reccommend a nature show like Discovery Channel or National Geographic or some History Channel.The information you learn will be most informative, I have found that you learn at least one new thing/hour. Also this new found knowledge can be used to impress your friends and if needed random strangers you encounter on other outgoings. You will leanr such amasing things like that platypi are venomous, ants evolved from wasps, and that there are some really big creepy bugs out there. Australia is home to 7 of the 10 most venomous snakes in the world. Also new species are being found and you keeping up with the scientists will help fill that pathetic void in your life that work was filling. On an end note to this subject if the information is boring and uninteresting you can fall back on last Tuesday’s tight tip on tackling tediousness, the nap. I find that boring commentary may assist greatly for the nap. Enjoy your tedious free lifestyle. Tah Tah.

Posted by Master of Dark Illusions at 20:14:51 | Permalink | No Comments »

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Tuesday’s Tight Tips on Tackling Tediousness

Greetings sport fans. I am the Master of Dark Illusions and I figured that this is a terrific time to start tackling my tediousness. I am forced to be tight and thus these tantilizing tips on tackling tediousness will appear every Tuesday. But don’t worry, this typical post, tho appearing to talk mainly about tackling tediousness tightly through blogging is not today’s tactfull tip. Today’s tactfull tip on tackling tediousness shall be to simply take a nap. That is correct. I believe napping is the best way to cure boredom and I shall offer some great hints to help you nap. I should rephrase that as it is the best way to not spend any money and cure boredom. There are millions and trillions of ways to cure tackle tediousness if you are not on a fixed and tight income. Coccaine is as reasonable selection that is quite expensive and if you take some, trust me you will not be bored.  Aren’t you glad I stopped using all those t’s? Don’t fear I may start that up again just to help amuse myself but remember that that is not my Tuesday’s tip on tackling tediousness. See still got it. Now for some tight tips on taking naps to tackle tediousness. First of all when napping it is very important to be comfortable. You may need to shed or add some clothing, perhaps an old comfortable blanket shall aid you, unless of course you are tired then you can just skip to the lay down and close your eyes step. Secondly, you want to make sure you have a clear mind when you nap. I find that watching a movie is great for this, although not a particularly good movie as then you might stay up watching the movie and accomplish nothing in the napping area, unless you are tired. Then your movie selection shouldn’t overly matter. Now that you are comfortable and your mind is clear of life’s distractions, you should be quite able to nap with ease. If you are still having difficulties try rolling over and facing the back of the couch or perhaps moving to the bedroom. Remember tho that when you nap, comfort is a key component so your place may vary from. I also find it is important to nap in the afternoon well because, that seems to be when nothing at all is going on. There you have it. Tuesday’s first tip on tightly tackling tediousness has went terrificly. Tah tah for now.

Posted by Master of Dark Illusions at 19:22:37 | Permalink | No Comments »

Friday, September 25, 2009

Not Saying it this Friday

I’ll give you a quick lil update before I get on with the topic. My frankenstein computer is created. 2 old computers have now been successfully combined to form 1 super adequate 1. That is all.

I am kinda sick and tired of being society’s problem but society has brought me on themselves. I could very easily get a job doing some small meaningless task that paid crappier than crap. The problem with that is if I do that I will be taking a pay cut. I do feel bad about not doing anything most of my days and it was fun for a week and although I do enjoy the fact that I can sleep whenever for as long as I desire, I’d much rather work. Keep in mind that work has to support me and my habits. So for now I will remain disgusted with myself and society for being an unemployed bum, more so society. You created the monster and the system is slightly flawed and I will take advantage of the flaw as countless others would, are and have been doing since the system was created. FUCK

Posted by Master of Dark Illusions at 18:13:40 | Permalink | No Comments »

Monday, September 21, 2009

Knowledge is Power

I had a slight computer malfunction which affected me all week and now has been resolved. Thats all there is to tell about me now on with the show.

As most of you know I am society’s problem and society is supporting me as of right now and with all of the free time comes alot of boredom and apparently the watching of discovery channnel which brings me to the information that I will now share with you.

1. Ants evolved from wasps. Not the other way around which makes more sense. In fact some species of ants, like the bull ant, still have a stinger on their abdomen.

2. Chimpanzees actually hunt and eat smaller primates.

3.  The duck billed platypus is venomous. In fact it is 1 of 3 mammals that are. Only the males on platyi are venomous. There is a spur on their hindlegs. The venom does not cause death but is painfull and has no antivenom.

4. For those of you that think most venomous animals have some sort of unique markings, or some other way to distinguish themselves apart from other non venomous animals, like color, or a noise that the rattlesnake makes, need to further your exploratins to the oceans. Jellyfish are extremely venomus and there are a variety of species. The box is the most common and there are some deadly species of box jellyfish that are tiny and transparent.

Posted by Master of Dark Illusions at 18:57:48 | Permalink | No Comments »

Friday, September 11, 2009

Fucking Foreigners

How many of you are tired of those annoying phone solicitors? 1..2…3..4…5… Wow that’s more people then I thought read this. Now I am not going to rant and cus and swear about phone solicitors, as the title kinda suggests, everyone needs a job and I am sure these people hate their jobs as much as everyone else if not more so. Think about it, I bet by the end of the day they are glad that the dialed 1000 numbers and 800 of them had no answe and of the 200 remaining 180 of them just hung up as soon as they said 2 words, Mr. Smith. It is those other 20 callers that for the most part give the worker a hard time for calling them at a time that is not appropriate, and then there are the 2 good callers that actually purchase said product. Now as the title says I am not going to lay it fucking into the workers, even though the can’t speak english. That is not there fault entirely. It is the people that hired them. Why the fuck wouldyou hire someone who has to speak english when their accent is so thick that you can’t understand every other word they say. I have even had a few of these sell me something worthwhile that I probably would have signed up for, but I have to actually listening so clearly and think abot what they are saying and try to interpret it that after sentence 3 or 4 I give up and ask to speak to someone with less of an accent. And those are my exact words, I do not say get me a fucking white boy you packi son of a bitch as some of you may think I say. Despite my mannerism I am not a racist bastard. I am just your regular kind of bastard that ahtes things for reason that they should be hated. Like the fucking people that hire these non english, heavy accenting talking people. If your number 1 fucking priority is to speak english hire someone that can actually speak fucking english. That makes so much sense that it shouldn’t even have to be said. Oh and at least have people thre that speak english so that when a caller asks to be transferred to someone because they are having trouble interpretting, make sure that person speaks better fucking english then the previous one. You fucking retards. How many people do you fucking get to buy shit on pure stupidity? That must be your sole market base, the fucken stupid. Maybe I am talking too much about western civilization here. I once heard someone mention that the root of all evil is that we live in country where we have people smart enough to sell you anything, and we have people stupid enough to buy anything. I however fail to see how these genius salesmen that he mentioned can sel whenthey can’t speaka the linga. Comprenda Padre. Get it through your fucking thick skull and fucking hire people that speak goddamn english you Fucking PRICKS!

Posted by Master of Dark Illusions at 19:43:28 | Permalink | No Comments »