The World Needs Heroes

Today is the final day of work for me. I do have a few things on the go though. None will make any money but they will occupy and entertain me, which is all I really ask for in life. I’m going to talk to a few friends this week and get some plans worked out. I’m going to help another friend car shop. I’ll also do just about anything for a buck or a meal. You need your grass cut, gimme a call. Want me to wash your car, hey, you got my number. Ask away and I might just do anything. Hell I’ve done some pretty stupid things for free, might as well get paid to do them now.

This blog is going to become active as well. Not sure when but no later then next week. I’m going to try and work on my writings. I have a song, a comic, and a novel that are in the works, keeps me busy and off the streets giving handjobs for crack rocks. Don’t judge me until you’ve suked dick for coke.

Well I am done here for the day. Time to take my soon to be unemployed ass to the welfare office, then the liquor store. That’s right I am now society’s fucking problem. DEAL WITH IT.

Alright, this is another public service anouncement brought to you in part by The Tyrant. The Tyrant does not give a fuck what you think. Little did you know upon reading this post you have just kissed his ass. The Tyrant is fed up with your shit. The views and opinions expressed here by The Tyrant are not to be taken lightly. The Tyrant also enjoys fucking shit right the fuck up.

The Tyrant here with a serious concern.

There is no more Personal Accountability anymore! No longer is anyone responsible for themselves. I’m referring to bars being held responsible for the people who are getting drunk.  CTV’s W5 has just broadcast an expose on the subject: http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20090320/WFIVE_bars_090321/20090321?hub=WFive

So who is responsible?  The drinker or the server? I am 100% going to say it is the drinker’s responsibility. If you drink 64 oz of beer and then think it’s a good idea to drive even though you’ve been through the education system and driver’s Ed, then the DRINKER IS LIABLE! They bought the drink they poured it down their throat and then got behind the wheel. If they get into a fatal collision where they kill a passenger in their car, or another person (pedestrian/other motorist) they go to jail for a life sentence with no eligibility of parole for 15 years. Driving while drunk is like playing Russian roulette with the lives of many people.

Deaths related to alcohol are called “natural selection of species.” If you are dumb enough to go out and get bombed and kill yourself or others then I thank you for the service you have provided the general public. You have removed your inferior genetics from the gene pool.

If bars have to be responsible for getting people drunk or not cutting people off then are tobacco companies able to be held responsible for causing lung cancer or emphysema? Maybe the car companies should be held responsible for not making a safer car? Perhaps there should be a giant foam pad on the front of the car and motorists are all required to wear 5 point seat belts with helmet and full roll cage. Can condom companies be held accountable for an unwanted pregnancy or STD infection? Should hospitals be held liable for someone wanting to go for a smoke and while smoking outside they slip and fall and break a hip or freeze to death/get heat stroke?  I can’t wait to sue Guns and Roses for making me go deaf listening to their records wearing a set of headphones at full volume!  I’m sure I could sue the headphone manufacturer because they made headphones too loud too. I can’t wait to go to a restaurant that serves coffee in a white mug. If the server doesn’t warn me that the coffee is hot I’m going to spill it all over myself and sue hold the restaurant responsible for making the coffee too hot, and for not warning me. 

What happened to common sense? At what point did people become complete morons (in every 1950s sense of the word). This has become the norm in today’s society. Everyone passes the buck and no one takes account for one’s own actions. 

I implore you all go out, down a bottle of Jack, beat your wife, girlfriend/boyfriend, harass your parents steal from a store, eat some children sacrifice your neighbor’s dog and then say “The Tyrant told me to do it, and I was drunk.”  

Master of Dark Illusions here expressing my deepest concerns on the mentioned above topic as well and I’d also like to mention that you all probably thought The Tyrant would condone this type of behavior. Seeing as he just loves to fuck shit right the hell up. The Tyrant does have his boundaries and limitations however. Back to me though. Society is playing way to much of the blame game. I’m not sure exactly when this blame game started but it has become so encrusted in our memory banks that everyone is doing it, including you! Something goes wrong and the finger of blame starts to point. Hell I blame the death of my goldfish fluffy 25 years ago for my compulsive need to eat 2 meals day. Darn you Fluffy! Although he did get buried, not flushed, which gave me a great place to bury the bodies. Also Fluffy’s fault. I blame Fluffy for everything. Fluffy’s death hurt me deeply. He used to love swimming in his muchy water and diving to depths where no one could see him. Sometimes he’d do that for hours. You’d have to stir the water just to ssee the lil bastard. Then just like that he would resurface. One day he resurfaced and stayed atop for days. I was quite pleased as know he was easier to pet. He seemed to love it when I scratched his belly. He’d stay upside down in his mucky waters for seconds, as is the attention span of a little boy. My point is either find a scapegoat for all your life problems, pick one and make it an interesting case as mine is, or start fucking sucking it up princess and except the fact that you beat your wife because you damn well don’t have the courage to take on anyone else. It is your fault. Your life is fucked up because of the choices you have made. Not because your mom didn’t hug you. I liked the good old days when people just did shit because they were crazy. What the hell ever happened to those times! Oh and by crazy I mean crazy as in your fault you are crazy.

Master of Dark Illusions out.

Two priests are off to the showers late one night They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers. He is halfway down the hall  when he sees three nuns heading his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he’s a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.Startled, he drops a bar of soap. “Oh look” says the first nun, “it’s a soap dispenser.” To test her theory the second nun also pulls on  his manhood. Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.Now the third nun decides to have a go. She  pulls once,  then twice and three times but nothing happens So she gives several more tugs  , then yells . . . “Holy Mary, Mother of God!  Hand lotion too!

What does an Indian Women get when she gets an abortion?
A letter of thanks from EI and a $200 gift card from crime stoppers.

I recently wrote a cheque and it was returned to me marked insufficient funds. In view of what

seems to be happening internationally with banks at the moment, I was wondering if you

could advise me correctly…

If one of my cheques is returned marked ‘insufficient funds,’

how do I know whether that refers to me, or to you?

I apparently have another new guest columnist. He is refusing to give himself a name so as of now he will remain forever nameless, or until one just happens to come across the tip of my tongue. You can help out if you would like. Give this post a good read and help me think of a name for this new nut job.

Ok here it goes.  We are all worried about global warming.  All those CO2 carbon emmisions are really messing things up.  So I have a plan.  Canada, the United States and the whole European Union can reduce are carbon foot print.   Will it make a differnce.  NO!!!!  There is this big country called China which is the 2nd most producer of CO2 in the world.  Are we doing anything about it?  NO!!!  In the Koyoto protocal coutries that are not fully industrailized do not have to reduce their carbon emissions.  How the FUCK does this work!!
 
My theory is that we need to BOMB CHINA in order to reduce their industrail capacity.  This will reduce the amount of CO2 that are happening within the world.  Target all CHINESE assests that involve CO2.  This will also reduce the amount of goods that Canada and the USA are recieving from China.  Because China is getting bombed they will not be able to send cheap items to Canada and USA this will increase jobs for lower end items thus increasing jobs for CANADA and USA. 
 
Don’t you understand people this will help us all!!!!

Wow is all I have to say about that. I now understand why he is refusing to be nameless. His point are valid however Mr. Nameless is a wee bit of an extremist. Kinda reminding me of those old medieval time kings with all their beheadings.

Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique

recommended in all the latest psychological tests.

The funny thing is, that is works.

1. Picture yourself near a stream in the mountains.

2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.

3. No one knows your secret place.

4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called the world.

5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

6. The water is crystal clear.

7. You can easily make out the face of the person you are holding under the water.

See! You feel better already!

Alright sports fan time for another long awaited addition of FUCK YOU. I’m even gonna post up some link so you can have enjoyable reading besides my own. Now some of you may have Detroit stereo typed as a crime related city, one of the worst in the world maybe even.. Whether that is true or not has absolutely nothing to do with my rant and mood. I’m talking about hockey. Yes the good ol hockey game, the best game you can play. As the song goes by some old and likely Canadian guy. I am sick and tired of watching Detroit games. Why you may wonder and some of you might even have the courage to ask. Well fear not I will tell you why. It’s because Detroit swallows. Yes, it’s true. From watching them beat Pittsburgh last year in the Stanley Cup Finals to the game I watched last night one thing is always constant in Detroit games. They swallow. What do they swallow is the next words that might be coming out of your mouth at this time. Well I’m sure you all know what I am referring but I’ll go into more detail, as thats what this blog is mostly for. first a link to read tho. http://flames.nhl.com/team/app?gameNumber=1010&gameType=2&page=Recap&season=20082009&service=page   Now if this link doesn’t work just go to my sidebar and click on the Flames link and do a little digging on your own.  Now read dammit.  

As you can see the Flames played the load swallow Detroit Red Wings last night and they won. So if my team won why am I so convinced that Detroit swallows.  here is another link for your reading pleasure that allows a little more insite before I fly off the handle   http://flames.nhl.com/team/app/?service=page&page=NewsPage&articleid=413597  Read it. Good  did you see the spot on questionable calls as referred to by one of the Flames players.   That is a constant with the Detroit Swallowers. There are always questionable calls that always go in the favor. There were at least 2 no brainer calls that the refs missed against the Swallowers. I’m not talking lunatic fan missed. I’m talking as in the Flames bench was in an uproar and you coud hear them over the announcers calls. Then there was the 5 minute major penalty to Dion Phaneuf. Not saying he shouldn’t have gotten a penalty but replays clearly show that Cleary had lost an edge and was on his way down before Phaneuf gave him a push from behind and he didn’t push him very hard. Phaneuf might be a goon but he doesn’t hit from behind. He knows that can cause injury to players and he might want to hurt opponents but he doesn’t want to get a misconduct penalty. Well this Phaneuf penalty was the start of a possibly wound for the Flames and an opening for the Swallowers. There was almost 5 minutes of 5 on 3 hockey and the Flames had 4 of their 6 defenseman in the penalty box. There was another questionable call during this 5 on 3. There was some pushing in front on the net and Franzen the Swallower and Aucoin were playing a little glove slap. The refs, free of their blue balls thanks to the Swallowers, already had their arms up and were calling penalities to both players. Then Franzen skates around everyone and start glove tapping Vandemeer. Vandemeer return a few glove slaps and then he gets a penalty to. Its hockey when you get gloved slaps 99% of the players give you 1 back. The problem here is that Franzen the Swallower only got 2 minutes for his 1st little bout and nothing for actually going after someone. Flames got 2 more players in the box. Moral of the story it pays to swallow. Remember that lesson. It’s about the only good lesson that comes out of this blog. Now of course and by meer luck mostly, the Flames played and played and played and finally beat the Swallowers. This brought great cheer to me and there woulda been a humpy bear moment if I wasn’t alone.
Now my problem her eis that every fucking Swallowers game you see these calls. Sure Detroit does get penalties but not near enough and the other team gets the short end of the stick always. I saw the Finals last year and wow was there alot of couch reffing going on, which turned into yelling as the refs repeatedly missed calls or dealt questionable calls against the Penguins and Detroit got nothing. So to all you fucking Detroit Load Swallowing fans I have two words for you. SUCK IT. Also FUCK YOU. Your team aint good. Well apparently they are good but its not at hockey, it’s at sucking dick and taking it up the tailpipe. I also want to give another big shout out to all you Detroit fans. Since my Flames won a game that was so not in their favor to win, either bend over or open wide cause I have a very special surprise for you.

I wonder, you wonder, we all wonder about things. Today though I have been pondering long, hard, and deep about this topic. What would life be like if I had breasteses? I think I’d use them for evil. Well ladies and dirty disgusting piglets let’s hear what you have to say. What would life be like if you hade boobs? Oh if you already have boobs feel free to comment on what you think I’d be doing with mine. For instance I would probably not buy milk anymore. Feel free to say anything you want here, remember there are no stupud comments, only stupid people.