The World Needs Heroes

Hello sports fans. Todays topic is a great one. It’s a problem that everyone has, some alot more then others. I’m talking about the aftermath of that night of great fun you had, if you even remember the evening. Which is what is bringing me to the point here. No you don’t have to lay off the sauce to not feel those nasty affects in the good old morning/afternoon. Well the obvious would be to not drink but if you are like me, there is about a 5% chance of that not happeneing and thats on a daily basis, we aren’t even referring to the weekends. So you might be thinking how does one not feel so awful after a night of not remembering what happened. A better question would be how can one feel so god awful when one’s previous night was such a blur. I cannot help you with that, however I will give you a great way to help prevent the feeling of immenent death and doom the morning/afternoon after such said evening. What I find that works ever so wonderfully is this amasing creation called Gatorade. Oh what a wonderful product filled with electrolites that plants crave. It is so wonderful that I purchase this product in bulk, as many of my fellow men can describe, and steal. Bastards. Anyways enough about me, back to task at hand. It also tend to replentish the bodily fluids and I believe the brains cells as well that were previously damaged or destroyed due to the affects of last night. I’m don’t think it helps with the memory loss and all around hazy blur that last night was, but it does make the feeling of death and wish to die, disappear within minutes after pounding the electrolite filled beverage. Sometimes, if you can remember its a great idea to have this on your nightstand, or the top of the toilet tank, whichever is within a close arms reach of your resting/sleeping area. Usually within the hour of pounding the electrolite beverage I big nasty smelling substance releases from the depth of my bowels, causing me to gag and almost vomit but in the end makes me feel alot better as soon as I live the room, close the door, and spray something to cover the smell. What I use smells alot like vanilla ince cream and was borrowed from a previous place of employment which I am no longer allowed to step foot on property of, but not for that reason at all. Anyways it seems I am getting personal and business intertwined again and if the memory of myself grunting out a nasty smelling shit is not to your liking, oops, my bad. Alright so another product I like to mix in with my electrolite beverage is a yellow wang shaped fruit, called a banana. You simply peel the fruit and eat it. Its cheap, not too bad tasting, and resembles a penis so it has many positive attributes. It also is suppose to help get rid of that ansty feeling that you had from drinking mass quantites of god knows what. .You sure don’t remember do you? Well those are my methods of “relief” I shall discuss a few others that some of you may try and a few simple little avoidances. There is the every popular “wake and bake” I’m not a big fan of this for the simple fact that my mouth is usually so dry that one of the last things I want to do is something that makes it drier. I suppose you could drink water, or the electrolite beverage but thats like alot of multitasking, and to me, at this stage multitasking is an enemy, not an ally. Also when you feel nausea, why would you do something that makes you crave food, and not even good food, nasty food that is going to hurt like hell when it projectiles from your stomach and out your alcohol import cavity. There’s drink lots of water method, but I find this makes for some quite unique and hilarious swaggers towards the toilet/sink/garbage can that is if you even have the energy to venture on such a quest. So water equals you waking up, swaggering around, if you are lucky, or you don’t wake up and end up urinating on yourself and whomever is lieing beside you. They most certainly won’t be pleased no matter how funny you think it is. Now I’m going to discuss some ways to make that feeling of death not so death like. First of mixing your alcohol whiskey, vodka, tequilla, rum, etc is not usually a good plan. It will cause you to awaken from your drunken slumber and wish there was a quick and easy, easy being a way where you don’t have to move, and death possible.  Thats about all I have but there is one more thing to add, some believe that eating some fast food, or some “greasy ass shit” is a good way to help relieve the pain. I’m not so sure on that, usually after eating mentioned above meal, I have to follow it shortly up with a big greaser of my own. So to quickly sum up the hangover cure, #1 don’t mix your alcohols
                                                            #2 Drink gatorade or some other sport drink before rest/passing out and in the am
                                                            #3 Banans = penis shaped fruit that is fun to eat and good for you, EAT A FUCKING BANANA TOO
                                                            #4 Take a big smelly, nasty ass shit, in the toilet preferable, flush as many times as desired

I believe that stereo types are wrong, but they are hysterically accurate.

I believe that if a man think he’s going to get lucky, he should be a gentleman and vaccum the sheets.

Like the title says you people owe me big, HUGE. What for you may me scratching your head in wonder about. Well remember last week when it was cold. AH yeah thats right, I sent someone over to old man winter’s place. It seems this person has done a quite efective job in annoying him, like she did me. So you are welcome for this warm weather although your thanks is not needed, it sure would be appreciated though. It seems my stalker, now ex stalker has done a great job in leaving me alone as of late, and focusing her attention onto old man winters. SCORE one for everybody, well except old man winter, but really who cares about some poor, krusty old bitter excuse for a man anyways. He just takes joy in bringing others mysery. JERKWAD is all he is. He reminds me of a certain other old krusted individual whom I will not name as fear that he might actually be paying attention to what lil ol me does. Anyways good job to me for sicking my ex stalker bitch, Rochelle, on old man winters, no give me some fucking thanks.

Well I haven’t done one of these for a while. Time for a good old therapeutic ranting. It’s better off this way then coming out in a drunken slur one nght. Which might happen anyways who knows. So what are the three things you are never suppose to talk about, well if you listen to your grandparents and possibly parents. Sex, Religion and Politics is the answer. This rant is about 1 of those three. No it isn’t sex, I enjoy that far to much. Politics, perhaps but but no there is enough bullshit in the world created by politics. No real need for me to increase the size of the bullshit tree. That leaves religion. In more particular GOD. This all knowing all powerful being that religion has him hyped up to be. How powerful is he. About as powerful as a politician’s BS rant. GOD has no power. You think he does. Take a good look around you. Look at all the sufferening. I’m not talking about personal suffering, that’s your own damn problem. Watch the news, looks at the war and crime. Look at the brutality that is this world. If GOD is so powerful, why does he not stop it. Ok maybe these people deserve to suffer. But I know alot of people that don’t deserve to suffer that do. My grrandpa who passed away around Christmas was as Christian and GOD loving as anyone. Even when he became to ill to go to church he still believed GOD loved him. Well god let this person suffer. My grandpa died an old and feeble man. Most do but god allowed my grandpa to live on for over a month while he was in pain and suffering and just waiting to die. Waiting more like begging. Now this all powerful, BS, being has taken someone else I know, via a painfull way. Another good person has suffered. God did nothing to stop this. The only real blessing in her suffering was that she luckily died while on the OR table, so her actually death was painless, it was all the suffereing before and what nots. What I’m trying to say is god, like religion, politics, and the WNBA is a big line of crap. Oh if God does exist surely he would smite me down for having mentioned such “blasphemies” So I guess to all you religious cooks, quacks, and whatevers out there, I suppose my doom shall arise swiftly, and painfully. In other words, catch you all tomorrow folks. If I have anything to say.

It’s official.It’s fucking cold. I just fired up the old furnace. Just waiting patiently now for that nice warm feeling you get. You know what I’m talking about, that feeling you get when you wet yourself but it hasn’t had time to chill yet, AHH YEAH  Fuck the dust is killing me tho. Mental note for next year, vaccum vents prior to turning on the heat.

Now for the news pf the hour. Literally. Facebook fucking sucks, or crack book, or facial book, or whatever you wanna call is in my opinion the absolute shitties way to find out one of your friend’s is no longer with you. I’m talking about death. What’s your opinion on this? Is this the worst way to find out? I would like real answers not made up stuff. If someone mentions singing telegram be forwarned my estrogens levels are running mighty high. Now I have experienced this before many a time, this is by far the worst way of hearing about it. I don’t really know any of her friends well enough to ask them either and despite what some of you might think and this blog dictates I am not an asshole. I’d really like to find out what happened is all. I do care, I do miss her, but there is no need to really discuss the obvious. This blog is not about the obvious. Anyways Farewell Ashley, you truly were a blessed person. I feel better knowing you. You touched my heart and no I know how much. Bad way to find out but hey. Farewell Ashley and if you were brutally murdered I shall seek vengenance. It’s my thing.

I recall last Monday where my house was super fucking hot, possibly the hottest it had ever been all year. All of a sudden BAM Cold. What the fuck man, what the fuck indeed? No warning sign at all really. It went from having to sleep butt naked spread eagle with a fan blowing on me, to grabbing an extra blanket. I should probably turn my furnace on but not just yet. I still have high hopes that there is a warm spell around the corner. It might only be for a day or 7 but still. So is old man winter coming out again. Am I going to have to kick him in his old shrivelled up excuses for testicles again this winter. I could but he seems immune to those tactics. Perhaps a more subtle approach this time around.

Well it’s almost officially winter here in my neck of the woods. I dd some preparation for it last night. I put my fans downstairs and my portable air conditioner. I also took my frosty mugsout of my freezer. Now they are just regular mugs. The only thing I have left to do is fire up the ol furnace and possibly plastic up my windows but thats not near as exciting as the conversion of frosty mugs to regular ones. you see I take the mugs out of the freezer, leave them sit out on the counter over night so that all the frost is off of them. I call this the defrosting phase. Then I place the “defrosted mugs” into the cupboard. Isn’t that exciting, and it only takes 3 steps. Easier to make then fucking jello pudding.