Sunday, April 29, 2007

Monkey See Monkey Do

I'm abandonding this EMO thing. It was fun while it lasted but it's getting old, and getting a little hard to pretend to be an EMO. Tho I am fine, just had some stress to deal with and a topping of the cake. Might take awhile to bounce back. I've done it before I can do it again. Tho I hate that feeling of Deja Vu. Anyways I'm gonna change my page and become something else. This time somethng more appropriate to who I am. Also i'm copying someone. Hence the wonderfully thought up title. This is likely also my last post for the month. Got a big move coming up. I'm all packed and ready to go. Well I'm out of boxes so that counts. I was quite ambitious today in. Should be relatively easy tomorrow. See you all next month. Keep the Faith.
Posted by Master of Dark Illusions at 02:01:49 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Slicing a Wrists with a Smile on Saturday

Boy is someone sure lucky. Just missed posting on Friday by a little bit. Lucky for you people my shifts at work got moved up an hour. Just kiding no resentment held towards anyone. Just confusion. Such is life. It was quite a week. Not really a great spectacular one either. Tho I got what I needed off my chest, and enough answers to tie me over for awhile. Thank you Candice. You are and always will be my best friend. I know what I have to do now. But I'll talk about that later. Tomorrow. I'm hoping my move on Suday goes smooth. Hope I get some help. It'd be a shame if my crippled old man had to help move things up and down the stairs. I wil be starting a bit of a life up in good old Midale, Yeah. With my parents. Oh Boy! Anyways that should help me get some finances gathered for school, and caught up on bills since, well you know. Deadbeats. Lousy deadbeats.  Anyways that's it for now. Music is my life now. Been listening to alot of that this week. Especially my songs that I did. I have to sing them to myself, cuz I have no audience, and no band but hey I am my own worst critic. Oh I'm letting some agression out anyways. Someone really made me mad. Oh this person really did it. Wellit was a company. Sask Fucking Tel. They caught off my tv. Bastards. 2 days left in that house and no fucking tv. I told them they were now officially last on the get money list. That's all I can relly do to show them, as they are the only phone company here. Sucks major ass but monopoly's rule, I guess. Well later. Life is rolling on, for this EMO.
Posted by Master of Dark Illusions at 01:54:35 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Thirsty Thursdays, For Drano

http://beer.com/beer.com-Content_C-trackerFrame_trackerframe.html?type=OTHER&postdate=null&article=070426_fights&id=1177585581384&url=http%3A//www.maximonline.com/articles/index.aspx%3Fa_id%3D7528

If watching those videos doesn't make you wanna kill yourself then all hope is lost. Or click the Next button at the bottom.  But wait there's more.

http://beer.com/beer.com-Content_C-trackerFrame_trackerframe.html?type=OTHER&postdate=null&article=070424_douchebags&id=1176484410049&url=http%3A//www.thedailyten.com/%3Fp%3D4

http://beer.com/beer.com-Content_C-trackerFrame_trackerframe.html?type=OTHER&postdate=null&article=070424_baddeaths&id=1176484410127&url=http%3A//cottonandsand.com/sandandcotton/%3Fp%3D388

http://break.com/index/peeing-on-an-electric-fence.html

I also moved my songs under accomplishments on my blog. In case anyone wanted t check out my masterful work without having to scim through all the posts i have done. Also i'm hoping to have Part 1 of my comic up in about 2 weeks. Depends on what my editor says. Later.

Posted by Master of Dark Illusions at 18:34:35 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Whining on Wednesday

Here it is Wednesday. Tho what I want to whine about, I really don't want to. Instead i'll keep it bottled up inside and hopefully end up on a tower somewhere, shooting at random people as they stroll by enjoying their life and day. That'll learn them to be happy. Anyways I got some nice news. I'm not homeless, tho on the downside of that I'll be living with my mommy and daddy till I get accepted or rejected for funding for school, and going to school. Could be till September, maybe only a month. It's a roof over my melon, can't complain too much. Tho I'm EMO so, waa waa waa. I want my own place, waa waa waa. That's all the whiney for Wednesday. I'll be doing some packing tonight. Should take too long as I'm low on boxes.

http://www.yougotlinks.com/View-Post/448/

Posted by Master of Dark Illusions at 18:41:21 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Time for Death Tuesday

  How to Make a Woman Happy

It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:



  

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynaecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined!
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes



  

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring booze

Because I'm a man , when I lock my keys in the car, I will
fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AMA
is not an option. I will win. And you probably have my keys, anyway.

___________________________________________________________________

Because I'm a man , when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the
hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If
another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be
able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and
everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a
couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.

____________________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup
and take care of me while I l ie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You
never get a s sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.

__________________________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at
the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items
like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.

__________________________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will
insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me
twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back
together.

___________________________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand

while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole
show looking for it, (though one time I was able to survive by holding a
calculator instea d (applies to engineers only)

__________________________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. If
you insist on asking, I will just make up something, so just don't ask.

__________________________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your
mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about
her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is
okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something
for my mother, too.

___________________________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't . . . and if
you are feeling amorous afterwards . . then I will certainly at least
remember the name and recommend it to others.

__________________________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what
you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is
fine. With the belt or without it, it looks fine. It does not make your
ass look too much bigger. It was the pasta and potatoes and margaritas
that did that. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

___________________________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2007, I will share
equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the
cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.
Like wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering what to do.





This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.

Posted by Master of Dark Illusions at 17:34:26 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Monday, April 23, 2007

Moody Mondays: Big Shit Grin

I'm always in a great mood for at least 2 days when I come back from Regina. I donno if it's the most amasing bed I sleep on, or just leaving the stench of Weyburn behind. I always come back from three feeling refreshed and juvinated and more alive then the day i left. Could have something to do with the amasing girl in the bed. I'll let you make that call tho.Got some things for sale here. A dog house. Insulated except for the floor, painted. Could use another coat but it'll do, $50. Also a SNES. Make me an offer and it's yours. I'd also really appreciate some people lending a hand to help me move. Jeff you already said you would so no backing out now. Matt said he might, depending on when he's done work. Tho as of no we aint sure if it's Saturday or Sunday. Hopefully I can find that out shortly. Also tomorrow I might find out if I have a place to live for right away or if I have to phone relatives, talk to work, sleep in my car, or under the bridge. Depends on the weather. I'm gonna be getting alot of exercise shortly. My oldest is playing soccer. I was playing with her today, teaching her some skills and WOW soccer is feeling an awful lot like exercise. I did play with her for a good hour. So ABS here I come. That's right baby, soon you'll be able to grate cheese on my abs, instead of race cars down the hill. I think that's about it for me today. Look to the right and scroll down abit. There's a new picture up. An EMO picture. Taking during the Great EMO Bash of 07. Also I converted another soul. Welcome Shawn. I think he's just putting up stories on it but he's a pretty MOFO. http://radtasticcomics.blog.com/

Posted by Master of Dark Illusions at 21:57:13 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Saturday, April 21, 2007

I M CHEAP and an ASSHOLE

I am cheap. I bought myself a big piece of happiness today for the mere dollar amount of $69.69. What did I buy? Well nothing, I already owned this but I lisenced my sweet ass car for that amount. Sure felt awesome driving it around, even tho no one was out to help me raise trouble. Wouldn't of mattered happy happy happy happy happy happy. And as soons as I wake up, I'll pretty much betaking off to Regina to introduce my gf to my car. I hope they get along good. Don't know what I'd do if they were fighting. Probably hang myself from the nearest tree. That's what EMO's do. Only thing wrong with EMO's is they refuse to die. Oh yeah happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy.

Tonight there were some people drinking in the bar and one of them had a bit too much. He decided he should go out and have a nap next to his car. His crew comes in and says they need a room. i'm like ok, gimme the cheddar then you 1gets the key. They go no it's for my friend, he's sleeping in the parking lot. Odd i thought cuz parking lots are for driving, and bars are for drinking so our parking lot is obviously for drinking and driving, so why is sleepy not going home.  Hmmm...   Anyways they go outside, to talk to sleepy I assumed but no, they were waiting for me to carry sleepy to his room. NUHUN! Sleep can't even stand let alone walk, and how is Sleepy gonna pay for his room. I tell them gimme money, and you carry him to his room. Well apparently i'm an asshole cuz that was not a good idea. Anyways, Sleepy someone made it home. Good thing cuz I was gonna tell the boys in blue to escort him home, safely.

About a month ago, my deadbeat room mate and her deadbeat boyfriend finally moved outa the house. But that's not the asshole part, tho they might disagree but whatever, gives me some cheddar and the said deadbeat title shall be removed. Alright apparently tho she isn't a deadbeat, she left because I planted my seed in her, and then kicked her out of my house. Why? Because DUH! i'm an asshole. This story is extremely pissing me off to, in case you haven't heard it buzzing around the big city here. I have been questioned on it 12 times now and my reply is always, well I am an asshole. 2 of the 12 people have agreed with me and threats have been issued. Being an asshole might get painful. Moral of the stories, be cheap, don't be an asshole.

Posted by Master of Dark Illusions at 04:13:56 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Friday, April 20, 2007

Fuck You Fridays, Let me be Happy

Check it otu my niggaz. Back by popular demand, Fuck You Fridays. All the fan mail rolling in for this, I just had to bring it back. That and the EMO name for this day was pretty lame, and also, I'm in control here. Ah yes the one thing in life I can control. MY FUCKING BLOGPAGE. Alright a few of you know of some altercations I've been having. I don't know what the deal is, maybe I'm not suppose to life a happy life. Maybe a life of mysery is what I'm suppose to have. Well one person thinks that at least. She is doing a damn good job of it too. Guess what tho? I get knocked down, and I get up again, you aint never gonna keep me down. My only real weakness is alcohol. It tend to keep me down for a good 6 hours. Oh short skirts tend to make me weak at the knees too but that's a whole topic in its own. Oh right fucking. That's todays topic, maybe tomorrow i'll discuss short skirts and how short is too short? My life is getting somewhat stressful, I can handle it tho, just some minor set backs. Had an unfortunate financial situation but lesson learned, the hard way and expensive way. But hey, I got a tv, microwave, rocking chair, oscilating fan, mattress and box spring outa the deal. Only cost me around $3500 too. Pretty sweet deal eh? Looks like I'll also be moving in with my folks for the mean time, so I can erase this, debt quicker, and well, actually. Which is alright, it's a bit of a pride blow, but my parents are pretty damn awesome. Always supportive and loving, couldn't have picked them any better. My kids are great, my girlfriend is fucking awesome, and my friends are super cool. So what could be troubling me, seems I got it all eh??  Nope. I got something I'd like to erase. Someone who's soul purpose in life is to make me as miserable as possible. Yeah marriage. It's alot like prison but the sex is less frequent, tho gentler. See I'm still thinking positive people.  Anyways is there a point to my ramblings here, no not really. Just really bored and needed to air some things out. Tho I did air them out between the lines. Which worked pretty well. Better then I thought. This EMO cat feels alot less like cutting himself tonight. Tho of course I still will, how else am I gonna get people to pay attention to me.  Oh yeah almost forgot. FUCK OFF BITCH! LEAVE ME ALONE! Quit fucking with my Utopia. FUCK YOU! I wish you the best.
Posted by Master of Dark Illusions at 03:20:19 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Whiney Wednesday

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's!!

    First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.

    They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

    Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

    We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

    As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.

    Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

    We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.  

    We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

    We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank Kool-aid made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because,  WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

    We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

    No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

    We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.  

     We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or chat rooms.......  WE HAD FRIENDS, and we went outside and found them!   
    We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

    We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

    We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

    We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

    Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! 

    The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.  They actually sided with the law!

    These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

    The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.  We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

    If YOU are one of them, CONGRATULATIONS!

    You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of  our lives for our own good. While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave (and lucky) their parents were.

    Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

    
How to: pick your nose inconspicuously

1. Position the index finger of the opposite-side hand alongside the exterior of the obstructed channel.
2. Nonchalantly slip the thumb as deep as necessary into the nostril.
3. Using the thumbnail, delicately clamp onto the dried mucous mass.
4. Slowly withdraw the thumb and its payload from the nostril. At this step in the process be particularly vigilant for any trailing mucous which might be attached to the payload. These un-noticed “stringers” can jeopardize the entire operation.
5. Return the hand to a more natural position and discreetly execute a flicking motion with the thumb. This should launch the material sufficiently far away from you that it becomes someone else’s problem.

 http://break.com/index/what_i_learned_from_porn.html

Posted by Master of Dark Illusions at 17:28:12 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Tie it Tighter Tuesdays

Time for another addition of my top ten. EMO's do enjoy things and we even have our top tens. So what does a bored EMO do it at work. Well it's obvious what I do today's Top 10 will be nicknames I've given people at work. Enjoy.

TOP 10 Co-Worker Nicknames

10. Tray Day. Given to a waitress who wears glasses. Weird glasses. Looks like those 3 D glasses. 

9. Fruitcup. Me and Fruit Cup have a great relationship here. He calls me Push Pop. He also to my knowledge is the only employee to be fired from here 4 times. He no longer works here.

8. Mittens. Given to a cook because of his drunken story. He was maybe even still is one of the two only cowboys in Calgary and road and horse called Black Midnight. Hence his horse mittens. Also he is one of few cowboys who doesn't own cattle.

7. Bent Johnson. Give to a fellow front desk worker. He cheated at pool. Story went that Ben Johnson used steroids and they took his medal away for cheating. Remember. It's also his gay porn name.

6. Bent. Nickname given to the same worker in 8. Given before the Bent Johnson thing. Bent means not straight. Get it.

5. Sloppy Joes. Given to a waitress who had a mess on her shirt.

4. Toker. Given to a waitress who's last name was Gangje.

3. Puffs. Exactly the same as 4 but replace Toker with Puffs.

2. The Shartmobile. Name given to the bartenders old Buick Car. after he said he drove around in it and pretended he was Batman. He also goes by the name Shart.

1. Cupcake. Given to a dishwasher because everyone was calling him corndog and he didn't like it and I didn't want to follow the crowd. Cupcake as I recall wanted to be called Cory. I told him you don't get to pick your nickname. He insisted on being called Cory so we brainstormed ideas for a nickname for him. He hated cupcake so it was settled. He quit shortly after.

http://beer.com/beer.com-Content_C-trackerFrame_trackerframe.html?type=OTHER&postdate=null&article=070413_boobjob&id=1176125806753&url=http%3A//www.body-philosophy.net/node/2396

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/123680/the_smurfette_show/

Posted by Master of Dark Illusions at 19:45:05 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |
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