The World Needs Heroes

So you all know me. I'm now the Human Flashlight. The Earth's newest and coolest superhero. Anyways I'm holding a little competition here. You tell me if I'm better this this superhero.

http://www.break.com/weeds/send_me_a_fat_hero2.html

Well I should make it back sometime tonight. I'm making really good time. Might have something to do with I can't sleep cuz I'm glowing. Makes everything sure look different at night. I think I even scared off a bear. So I'm gonna add that to my list of super powers ability to scare animals. There is nothing special with my vision and I can't shoot anything from my eyes. I can see better at night but I'm pretty sure that's cuz I'm like a human flashlight. Hey!! That's a possible name for me The Human Flashlight. No X ray vision, no super human speed, I can't fly. Hopefully I can fix Andrew's computer when I get back. As far as I know I can't do anything. You'd think getting injected with something green and glowing would make you do more then glow and crashing into Nuclear Waste would do something besides lower your sperm count. Guess not. Maybe the green goo was just a new flavor of Kool Aid. Anyways I'll keep you posted on the super powers, so far nothing there. I can see through air pretty good. My farts seem slightly more toxic and I haven't burped or picked my nose since the whole green goo thing. I also quit talking black. musta been a phase I guess. Well I'm off. Just look for the green glow in the sky. That'll be me.

Also to the French family that keeps putting my down, Pilons you better quit trash talking me or I'll feed you to my pet dinosaur. Yes Jeremy I saw that pic of you feeding the dinosaur. My pet is much meanier then that frienly one. I used to have a sister and 2 other brothers but they didn't know when enough was enough either. Just like you too brothers. I'd also like to add, goodbye McPile I'll miss you. :(

Don't even ask me how but I stopped the train. Maybe I used telepathy, or my new super human strength, if I have it. No clue. But I'm off now. Gonna wonder back home and hopefully along the way I'll see what super powers I got from that green shiznit. WOAH!! It might be making me talk black. I feel a rhyme bustin' out in this MOTHA!!!!. LATA MY NIGGAZ!!!

I was rudely awaken by a phone call. It was the Weyburn Inn. "Danny are you coming in to work anytime soon." No, I told you Charlene, I had a lilmishap with a train and I don't know where the fuck I am, quit calling me, I'll be thre when I get there gee. "OK"

Still don't know where I am, don't know if I'm travelling north, south, east, west, up, down, or sideways. All I can tell you is WOW is it ever breezey on the front of a train, and mosquitoes feel, like small birds at that speed, small birds feel like OUCH!!  and cows, well cows really fucking hurt. Wait! Wait, we're heading towards this funnt green glow. Looks like something from the Incredible Hulk. COOL!!  There's a sign, N U C L E A R W A S T E D U M P. This might not be good, TURN TURN the fuck aroud. OH HELL. Well the green glow is sure looking purdier and purdier as we get closer, seems to be a fire in the middle of it, and the smell of cinnamon and apple pie is filling the air. Odd. Maybe this is giving me super powers, perhaps my sight of smell is, OMG *BARFS* who cut *BARFS* that one Well my pants are still clean, well... there aint poo in them. Fuck me that was nasty. kinda like when you walk in an apartment and smell what everyone's cooking, plus crap.  Yes I feel different, I think I'm getting super powers. I can see farther. I feel stronger. I feel *Barfs*  God that smell is awful. OW. What the fuck, a needle with glowing green goo in it, that can't be healthy, but hey, the barf feeling is gone. YAY!! Why do I feel like I just wet myself??  Anyways that headache is back, which means, Talk to you lat.....

First of all, WOW!! those tracks really vibrate when a train is coming, even at low speeds. I guess I'm alright. Not sure where I am tho. The train wasn't going to fast, it hit me but really just scooped me up along for the ride. I don't know where i am. I'll try to stay awake long enough to hopefully read the next sign. Could be hard as it is pretty dark out. Crap no idea what that sign said, I saw an h and a 5 that's all. So any ideas on where I am. Please call 911, tell the to stop the train that came threw Weyburn on Saturday night at about 11:30 please please. On other notes, this is kinda fun, ride of a lifetime, can't feel my legs, and my question of the day is: How far can a train travel before it runs out of gas? 

Oh Oh Slowing down now, shoud make it easier to read this sign, tho I'm feeling a bit dizzy sing says C- H-..

Don't remember where I was
I realized life was a game
The more seriously I took things
The harder the rules became
I had no idea what it'd cost
My life passed before my eyes
I found out how little I accomplished
All my plans denied

So as you read this know my friends
I'd love to stay with you all
Please smile when you think of me
My body's gone that's all

A Tout Le Monde
A tout mes amis
Je vous aime
Je dois partir
These are the last words
I'll ever speak
And they'll set me free

If my heart was still alive
I know it would surely break
And my memories left with you
There's nothing more to say

Moving on is a simple thing
What it leaves behind is hard
You know the sleeping feel no more pain
And the living are scarred

A Tout Le Monde
A tout mes amis
Je vous aime
Je dois partir
These are the last words
I'll ever speak
And they'll set me free

So as you read this know my friends
I'd love to stay with you all
Please smile when you think of me
My body's gone that's all

A Tout Le Monde
A tout mes amis
Je vous aime
Je dois partir
These are the last words
I'll ever speak
And they'll set me free

A Tout Le Monde
A tout mes amis
Je vous aime
Je dois partir
These are the last words
I'll ever speak
And they'll set me free

Well in about 30 mins I'll be walking my way towards a train bridge. Someone called me stupid when I told them, well you know what. I'm not afraid of death, there really isn't much left in my life to be too proud about. So if it happens it happens. And if I do chicken out when a train is coming, hopefully the bridge will vibrate and give me enough time to make it across. If not this could be my last post. Goodbye cruel world. Goodbye everyone.  Jeremy I would like you to take care of my burial arrangements. I'd like to be creamated. I don't care if you do it at a funeral home or a backyard BBQ just don't let anyone piss on the fire to put it out ok, that would be humilating. I trust my little Pookieze will do a fine job and for your troubles you can have my Buick. To Cory and Laura I don't know you that well but I promise to promote your video store as the most kick ass, I mean arse video store on the planet. I will haunt VHQ and chase away all their customers and if they don't flock to your store, I'll haunt the next video store and so forth until you are both greatly pleased. To Andrew I leave ummm I aint given you nothing cause your just gonna say it's a piece of shit tho if you want it I guess since your a virgin and all I'll give you my Mustang. It might be a redneck car but it still attracts some girls. It might just be able to help you out there. To the Weyburn Inn where I spend too much of my fucking time as I work there alot. I tell you this. I won't be in, I'm dead. Finally getting holidays. Too bad it had to come like this huh. Better then nothing I guess. To Shanna. I know how you liek it when people promte your blog. Well I guess it's fitting that I gave you some credit on my last day on this earth so be happy with that ok and put my back on your blog roll Gee. To Jeff, I leave you my,,,  Jeff come with me heaven needs a bartender. I'll ummm,    I'll ummm....  drinks are on me buddy. Who else. Oh Candice. Your great you can have whatever you want yeah I know I'm getting lazy, shoot me. Kendra  you can have ummm, that garfield stuffed animal. Three I gave you something shut up about it already. OYY!!  The rest will be given to my loving family. Not sure what's left but that should cover everyone. If I forgot anyone hey stop byt the house, I got canned goods.

Sammy Jackson stars in another animal on a plane here  and they are way meaner then snakes, maybe not scarier cuz lets face it snakes are scary but these are for sure some mean little rodents. http://www.dumpalink.com/media/1155991322/Badgers_On_A_Plane  See Cory put up a nice post about Sammy Jackson's newest movie Snakes on a Plane. Here's his post http://cdsplayhouse.blogspot.com/2006/08/snakes-on-mutha-fucking-plane.html

It seems that one of our Sask bloggers is paying attention to the stars, and planets. Shanna who doesn't have me on her blogroll. For shame Shanna, For shame. Well I'm giving you some recognition for your post. Shanna's post was about the discovery of 3 new planets. She has a link on her page that tells you all the scienctific mumbo jumbo. Go check it out here http://hecticity.blogspot.com/2006/08/its-not-going-to-work.html

1. If you don’t drink that booze, by God, someone else will.

2. The brewing industry alone employs 1.7 million people and that’s a lot of mouths to feed.

3. Bad ass nicknames like “Chuggybear,” “The Alabama Hamma,” “Pukey McPukerson”             
are not awarded to people who stay home to do laundry.

4. Your favorite bar stool needs just one more sitting to break it in.

5. This is the one and only night your soul mate will wander into the bar. Seriously.

6. Word on the street is the booze has been trash talking you all day.

7. Without your brilliant wit and charm all those poor bartenders will be so dreadfully bored.

8. Dude, after what you did last time, you gotta go back out there and explain yourself.

9. It’s far better to have a good time you won’t remember than a dull one you will.

10. Remember that English high school teacher you and your pals used to call “Mr. McTightass?” You are so starting to remind me of him.

11. You can bet something really important and worthy of celebration happened on this day at sometime or another.

12. How the hell can you walk around sober when you’re an insignificant  speck in an infinite and uncaring universe?

13. Churchill and FDR got drunk, Hitler didn’t. So what are you, some kind of Nazi?

14. If you don’t you’ll wake up in the morning all bright eyed and bushy tailed, and who the hell wants to go through life acting like a goddamn squirrel?

15. Your friends can’t have a good time without you.

16. Your friends might have a good time without you.

17. The Man says you shouldn’t and you don’t want to upset the Man, eh slavebot?

18. There is a 1000 percent better chance you will land a starring role in the upcoming Paris Hilton video Vegas Orgy.

19. Your lawn is so much more comfortable when you’re loaded.

20. You’re much less likely to remember doing all that embarrassing stuff.

21. That feisty barmaid might finally, you know, pick up on what you’re laying down.

22. Listen, are we down on this goddamn rock to have a good time or watch other people have a good time on TV?

23. Your girlfriend has rented a bunch of chick flicks you can snuggle to.

24. You’re under a lot of stress and if you don’t get crazy drunk you might do something crazy sober.

25.  You gotta figure the odds of getting thrown in the drunk tank twice in one month are practically negligible.

26.  If you don’t hunt the booze, the booze will surely hunt you.

27. When you write your memoirs you won’t have to go through the hassle of making up a bunch of decadent adventures.

28. Al-Qaeda forbids drinking and since when did you start taking orders from Al-Qaeda?

29.  Let’s face it: modern life is a shit storm and booze is the only umbrella without any holes in it.

30. 7-11 nachos with extra cheese substitute and chili only taste good when you can’t remember eating them.

31.  You did your goddamn monkey dance for the Man and now you get your monkey treat.

32.  God hates the sight of you.

33.  God won’t stop staring at you.

34.  Your boss gets all weirded out when you get drunk during the day.

35. Three Stooges episodes you’ve watched a hundred times are suddenly hilarious again.

36. The day will come when you will have to single-handedly face death, and there isn’t a person alive who can tell you what will happen next.

37. Hemingway shot himself after being sober for two months.

38. When your coworkers ask “What did you get up to last night?” you can smile all cool like and say “Maaaaaan, you don’t wanna know,” instead of chirping “I alphabetized my DVD collection and found out I have two copies of The Truth About Cats and Dogs! Two!”

39. Remember your childhood dream of meeting a brewery heiress and jet-setting around the world on her dime? You think that’s going to happen while sitting in your goddamn apartment watching Captain Picard surrender the Enterprise for the tenth straight episode?

40. It’s so much easier to ring up those old flames and explain exactly where they went wrong.