Zen Thoughts
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me for
I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, take that time to do it.
Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
If you think no one cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car
payments.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and have their
shoes.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and
he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
probably worth it.
Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from
bad judgment.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it
back in your pocket.
Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and
it holds the universe together.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass...Then
things get worse.
Never under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
the same night.
There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".
There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make
a big deal about your birthday... around age 11.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
