The World Needs Heroes

Alright this is the best piece of advice out there. Works for everything in life almost. You learnt it in kindergarten if not earlier. It's the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would do unto you. Simple yet highly effective.  You want examples. Of course you do. I can't end the post here now can I. You like being compliments? Compliment others. It's called Karma and it works both ways. You like having your neck kissed. Kiss his/her neck, they probably like it too. And yes I like it. You like breathing? Then don't choke thine neighbor moron. Gee that was simple huh. Want simpler?  How does it feel to have your crotch kicked?  Well then don't kick anyone in the crotch. Are things clicking yet? This starting to make sense? Has your hamster still not got back on the wheel? Alright here are a few more examples. You like having a big dick up your ass?  Well Jeremy does but most people do not. Then keep your big dick away from other assholes. Actually avoiding assholes and dicks is probably the smartest thing you can do in life. Encourage others to do the same. Let the dicks fuck the assholes and get shit all over themselves. Gee that got a bit off topic. Still good point tho huh. Oh right I was talking about something... Golden   Rules  ah yes. No kicking in the nuts, it hurts and if you kick my nuts. I'll kick yours or I'll do worse and send my Roomie Kendra after you and she'll hoof you one in th G Spot. Right Jeremy. You not reading this Jeremy, I know your not. Karma. It's great.

Alright Friday is upon us and if your not out fucking or getting fucked then this post is for the women who come to see me, and the men that want to be. Just kitten. Meow!  Alright this post is all about those people that put hos before bros and the hos that want the bros to put them before their bros. Confused? Lemmeshowusomething. Alright why in the blue fucking hell would you put your bros before your hos? Hmm.... Why? Are you a douchebag? Perhaps. Think about this. Sure your ho is pretty, sexy, fun and cute. Oh and she will do page 37 of the Kama Sutra, but so what. Your bros have been there for you through thick and thin. Where was your ho when your other ho dum ped y our ass and left you for nothing. Who knows Where was your ho when you had to get rid of your dog? Who knows? Where was she when your brother got caught fucking chickens? Where was your bro? He was right there beside you, in the bar, or dragging you out of the bathroom at the bar while you were hugging the porcelain god, on the floor, sleeping. Need I say more. Bros befor hos, bros before hos. And you hos that are trying to break the guy up with his bros. GO TO HELL. Quit being so goddamn full of yourself and let your man or woman have their friends. If you don't like their friends, just don't hangout with them. It aint that hard to do. Come on people work with me. It's not that hard of a consept. It's simple, you like the person, hang with them, if not fuck them. No one said you have to like everyone you meet. Basically, never forget your friends. They are the people that stay in your life forever, they will always pick you up when you are down and share your glory and tell you you look pretty when your wearing a hat on your head that says ASSHOLE. So ya just fuck dem hos that want to split up you and your bros.

Just watch thesevideos and if your not impressed, I will give you a complete refund for the time I have wasted in your life. http://www.shoutfile.com/v/Jv4peWSe/Real_Life_Juggernaut 

http://www.shoutfile.com/v/BZqXMAU2/Cat_On_LSD

http://www.shoutfile.com/v/4HDpzZvS/The_Most_Important_Image_Ever_Taken

http://www.shoutfile.com/v/V8b97DMG/A_Real_Life_Hulk_Is_Scientifically_Possible

http://www.shoutfile.com/v/KyBS1ntS/Big_Ass_Titties

http://www.thorlinks.com/mediaview/3014/The_Most_Powerful_Man_On_Earth

I was checking out my pages at work tonight and I found out that the Godfather of Soul, Funk, and all that other good shit, James Brown, passed away this morning. http://mchammer.blogspot.com/  I read it on Hammer's page. James Brown is a legend among legends in the music industry. He helped choose a path for many young artists. He will be sadly missed.

I'm going to honor the Godfather of Funk and Soul by putting up some funny shit for you to enjoy. Enjoy!

http://www.shoutfile.com/v/QSZD0NWM/The_Man_of_100_Voices 

http://www.videokillers.com/more/137/winter_sports_accidents 

http://www.evilchili.com/mediaview/7865/Family_Survival_Kit 

http://www.relaxandenjoy.org/tennisgame.php

http://www.videosblog.be/index.php?itemid=588

http://www.funny-games.biz/mrsclaus.html

Well ok, I'm not extremely stressed out. I do have a little to much stress in my life tho. Got quite a few things going on. Got some issues I wanna resolve. Which seem to be at a a big fat neutral there. I need some wheels. Dad's truck is working fine, and I told him he aint getting it back till at least the end of January. It just seems I'm starting to get issues and baggage. I hate getting issues and baggage. Tho I'm gonna see what I can do to drop the baggage. December was just no an overly kind month to me. Tho I think I'm gonna come out of it with a Huge positive. My gal is great. Our relationship is great. When I spend time with her, she makes me forget about all my issues. Which is nice. Probably helpful too. Just seems that everyone inportant in my life, except for 2 people, are causing me stress, or adding to my stresses. Oh well. Helluva lot better then last year.  Oh basically all this mumbo jumbo is too tell you that I'm not sure how much blogging I'll be doing. Got alot on mind and I think the first sacrifice will be this page. Sorry folks. 

Hope your holidays are going better then these guys' http://break.com/index/12_stds_of_christmas.html

And what would Christmas be without some AL TV. http://break.com/index/weird_al_interviews_kfed.html

 

deer santa:
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,
BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

Love,Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those?
Santa

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.
Santa

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China Every year I give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
Santa,

 

Alright so after my night of drinking and such, I received a phone call at around 6:30am. Yes but good news I was not hung over. Also good news it was my Dad. He was on his way to get me, new knee for the old man time.  So I get a nice ride up to Regina with the old cripple. We get to talking, he calls my roomies bf a dildo. LOL I don't really know the guy, he seems alright. Dad was meaning dildo as in fuck toy tho, literally. We get to Regina he hobbles into the hospital with his bag and crutches. I sit in the truck and wait. Why do you ask. Because we were at the wrong hospital. Apparently it was not the General Hospital but the Pasqua. I tell you it sure is funny seeing a guy run out of a hospital carrying his crutches. Funny funny. So we drive over to the Pasqua. He gets out, I take off. Pretty sure he had the right hospital this time. Went and finished my Christmas shopping. Went and said hello to a special girl i know. I was grinning from ear to ear as soon as I saw her. She was too. I tried to stop grinning cuz I probably looked a bit like a tool but I couldn't.  So I have a truck to drive around for a couple weeks, till the old man can puit pressure on his knee. And I have an old man know with a new knee. All he said that was gonna be the same was the cap. Complete over haul.

Alright onto my next topic. you know all those people that tell you to turn the other cheek. Tell me, what do you actually benefit from this. I've been turning the other cheek well trying to on some people and what do I get out of it. Nothing but more reasons to turn the other cheek. I tell you what. Screw turning the other cheek. You get nothing out of it. Stoop to their level. At least then you get to have some fun. Revenge is alot better then nothing. Time to take revenge people and quit turning the other cheek. There are many many methods for revenge. Pooping on the doorstep is nice, and fairly easy to do. Peeing on the windhsield is another good one. Little bit harder if your a girl, but still manageable. Then there are the meaner methods. If you want some info on those lemme know. I'll maybe do a post if enough people express interest. There's also the classic pund the face method. Quite effective and a great stress reliever. Well there's my beef for the week. Revenge is a dish served so very very SHWEET!!

Well it's about damn time. Work was finally fun. After 4 years of blood and sweat I finally had a fun day at work. It was the staff party tonight and I had to work. Which was fine, the staff aprty usually sucks here anyways.  Tho everyone felt sorry for me, because i had to work, suckers. Anyways let's see her, i've had 12 jello shots, 1 shot of some something material, 5 drinks of rye and peps and 1 oramge creamsicle. Fucking awesome eh. I'm drunk on the job and only you know. SHHH!!! Well all I really got to say is, about damn time.  What else is amasing as I bet you there are no spelling mistakes here. What's amasing here is that there are no spelling mistakes. Did I mention there are no fucking spelling mistakes. Not a single one. If you can find any I'll give you a free cell phone for the low price of $25. Completely negotiable. Heck i'll even throw in a free charge and leather case thingy. How sweet of a deal is that.  In closing, the funniest part of the evening was at the end. I'm on my way outside. I see my ride. She's surrounded by about 5 people. They are all squawking at me about wanting a ride. I tell them it aint my call, I'm not driving talk to the driver. I open the door. My driver says" I am too busy to take anyone else home." I sit down and yell, "Just drive, Drive the goddamn car, Drive, Drive, Drive!" Then we speed off into the night, never to be seen again. Ah ah ah Men!

So I copy and pasted this from another friends site but whatever. I'm better then him so more people will see it on my page then his. Make sure you scroll down and read the 100  things about him. Good read. Quite humorous.  http://clauschronicles.blogspot.com/

Anyways yesterday had the family xmas. It was alright. Just a small family. I'll let you know about my present score later, waiting to get a few more gifts, then I'll brag. My kids had a blast tho they did get a shitload of presents. Nothing new really happening, just hoping and praying that my Dad gets a phone call tomorrow so he can get his knew knee. He's knee has been buggered for 3 years now. Plus if he goes, I'll get to borrow his truck for at least a week. Maybe more, depends on how he's doing and if he needs it. So that's a win win scenario there huh. Well That's about all I got to say, I got a good post planned for the next time i blog, which will be 2 days at the lastest. Later PEEPS!

Alright. My love life has somewhat diminished due to the no car thing. But i still got tips. Just cuz i'm not seeing me gf as much as before, doesn't mean i'm not chalked full of knowledge on the subject.  Here it is. Picture this, it's the hoiday season, Christmas, Valentines, and her Birthday are the big ones. Your thinking of what to get her. Here's some helpful advice, don't over think it. Go with an instinct. Or if your not that kind of person, take them shopping, see what they look it, and it's also a great trick to spend some time with them, and most girls love shopping. Some guys but they are too much like Andrew and prefer the company of men, more specifically, their behinds. That boy is sick I tell you, Sick. Oh wait dorry about that, anyways see what they look it, and decide from there. Now I know it can also be tricky if it's a new relationship. You don't want to give her that custom monogram body pillow with your face on it just yet cuz... creepy. Here's how i handle that creepy situation, it helps me from going to romantic at the holidays. Just think, why are you getting them something romantic on the holidays. If you like them, the romantic gifts get much more credit and brownie points when they are spontaneous. Trust me they do. All I really do now for the holidays is try to get them something they really want or really need. Save the flowers and stuffed animals for spontaneous things. The only thing that doesn't apply to this "law" I have is Valentine's Day and jewlery. Nice jewlery, not soemthing you found in the box of coco crisps. Well there's my advice. Go fourth Andrew and find your mate. If you can't get one now with these tips i've put up, there is no hope for you.